Table the Issue

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I started out life as sort of a messy, carefree child, with twigs stuck in my bowl-cut and my overalls caked in mud. And I still like to think about myself as a fairly laid-back person (to wit: I sometimes stay in my pjs all day. I rarely vacuum. I enjoy beer). But I fell in love with a military man, and some part of that OCD seems to have rubbed off on me and sunk in real deep. And now, I have to admit, there are certain things about which I have become an absolute stickler.

One of those sticking points is the proper way to set a table. I know, you're probably thinking, "Oh, who cares, so long as there's a plate, a cup, and some sort of utensil with which to shovel the food into my gaping maw?" But the answer is: I care. And so does the rest of polite society. And so should you. Therefore, as the kindly hotel concierge teaches Julia Roberts table manners in Pretty Woman, so shall I do for you (just don't expect me to rescue you from that lecher, Jason-Alexander-before-he-was-George-Costanza.) But I digress.

If you've gotten this far into life without knowing how to set a table, it stands to reason that you could benefit from a memory aid or two. To know the placement of the utensils, as I learned from Emily Post, just remember the word FORKS. The setting goes from left to right:

F: for Fork (the salad fork goes outside the regular fork, if you are using both).
O: is for the round plate (okay, that one's a stretch, but I know you can handle it).
R: and to the Right of the plate:
K: is for the Knife and
S: is for the Spoon

See? That wasn't so bad. Nice try, Emily, but like most mnemonics, this one is slightly flawed: It leaves out the napkin, which goes to the left of the plate, underneath or inside the forks. It also can go on top of the plate if you are going for a jazzy place setting look, or want to try out a pretty napkin fold, but let's just stick to the basics for now.

Let's try another memory device, shall we? To remember the placement of the drinking glass and bread plate, just hold your pointer fingers out and touch your thumb to your other fingers. Your left hand will take the shape the letter "b" and your right hand will look like the letter "d". This indicates that the bread goes on the left and the drink goes on the right. This comes in handy at other times, too: I frequently do this under the table at weddings and fancy restaurants to keep myself from inadvertently stealing the bread or drinking from the wine glasses of my dining companions.

Now, as they say, you are all set.

The Weather Report

Today's Weather Report: Cloudy with a 100% chance of you looking super cute. Look, no one really likes a rainy day: the cold, wet toes, bad hair days, and musty-smelling sweaters are enough to put anyone in a bad mood - even Gene Kelly probably didn't twirl around streetlamps every time the barometer took a dip. But it's much easier to weather the storm in style when you have the proper gear to get you through. Waterproof rubber boots will have you bidding farewell to those soaked socks (and just might have you jumping in puddles). And who wouldn't be happy looking through a rainbow-polka-dotted umbrella? So, when the dark clouds roll in, just gear up in some of this cuteness, and, who knows? You just might even find yourself singing in the rain.


1. Bella Pagoda-style umbrella, $96, from Umbrellas.net; 2. Khaki rain jacket, $266, Cole Haan from Bluefly.com; 3. Riding-style galoshes, $80, from J. Crew; 4. Cloud-pattern umbrella, $65, from Pare; 5. Polka-dotted clear umbrella, $22, from Totes; 6. Classic red Hunter rainboots, $114, from 6pm.com; 7. Rubber-and-leather duck boots, $84, from L.L.Bean; 8. Striped pocket umbrella, £25, from Lulu Guinness; 9. Green mackintosh rain jacket, $70, from L.L.Bean.

10. Brown-and-blue patterned umbrella, $40, from Merimekko; 11. Red bird-silhouette folding umbrella, $45, from Tray 6; 12. Silver short rain boots, $64, by Tretorn, from Zappos.com; 13. Floral-print Urban Mac rain jacket, $138, from Boden USA, 14. Hot-pink heeled Randi rainboots, $125, from Kate Spade; 15. Plaid-print galoshes, $40, by Tommy Hilfiger, from DSW; 16. Floral-print folding umbrella, $22, from Totes; 17. Flowery galoshes, $25, from Target.com; 18. Green rain jacket, $99, by Spiewak, from Bluefly.com; 19. Peacock-feather print umbrella, $26, from Umbrellastand.com.

Something to Crow About

Whenever I find myself getting a little down in the dumps or stuck in a rut, I call upon an old friend to shake me out of it: Mexican food. Not the heavy, greasy, refried-bean kind of Mexican food (although sometimes refried beans might be just what you need: like if you are making seven-layer dip ... or trying to kill yourself very slowly), but the fresh, light, healthy kind of Mexican food I grew up eating in Southern California.
When I can't get my hands on ripe avocados to make guacamole, I make another fresh, healthy Mexican staple: Pico de Gallo. This classic combination of tomato, onion, cilantro and hot peppers is sure to kick you in the pants and get your blood flowing. It's called "Pico de Gallo", which means "Rooster's Beak" in Spanish, because the chilies used to make it vaguely resemble bird's beaks. Or maybe because it's so spicy you have to be macho like a rooster to eat it. Or, also, maybe because the chopped-up salsa resembles the food they feed chickens in Mexico. I don't really know, and neither, it seems, does Wikipedia. But you don't have to know the etymology to enjoy the stuff. Just grab some corn chips and a couple Coronas, and presto: Instant Fiesta. Make a big ol' batch, throw it in the fridge and pull it out to use it as a condiment on fish or chicken, or even on burgers, to give them that zesty, uplifting, South-of-the-Border vibe. It may just be the pico of your week-o.

Classic Pico de Gallo
What You Need:
4-6 Ripe Tomatoes
1 Large Red Onion
2-3 Jalapeño Peppers, stems and seeds removed (unless you really like to play with fire, in which case, throw them in!)
Leaves from 1/2 Bunch Cilantro
1 Clove Garlic, minced finely (optional)
Salt and Pepper

What You Do:
Dice all of the ingredients into small cubes, and combine in a large bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste. Que rico!

Sheet Show

My parents are coming for a visit today and staying with us for a couple nights. In my rush to get the house spic and span (while Skipper undermines my efforts by following me around leaving a trail of shedding dog hair in her wake) I have a ton of chores to attend to: cleaning the bathroom, dusting, vacuuming, and getting the guest room all set up for them. While I can't brag about the organizational state of my other closets (and finding the right cleaning product sets off an avalanche of spray bottles from under the kitchen sink), I can say that at least my linen closet is in good working order, so finding clean, fresh sheets for them is now the least of my worries. But it wasn't always so.
Our bed is a Queen, the guest (Murphy) bed is a Full, and the pull-out couch is a Twin, so I used to have one jumbled up mess of different-sized sheets stuffed into my linen closet (which is also the coat closet, by the way - where do you think I live, a palace?). Back then, I had to pull a bunch of sheets out and unfold them to see what size they were, and then refold them if they were the wrong size (although, honestly, usually I was so frustrated by that point I would just wad them up and stuff them back on the shelf, which was itself a splintery piece of plywood). And finding two pillowcases that actually matched was a distant dream I dared not allow myself to hope for. It wasn't much of a system.
But then, one day in a fit of frustration and organization (rarely do those two coincide for me), I decided to get organized. Here's what I did:

How to Organize A Linen Closet:

1. Line Shelves with drawer lining paper. This will prevent them from snagging on delicate sheets and make them smell pleasant, and will look pretty, as well.
2. Bundle sheet sets together, and tie with ribbon. Use different colored ribbons to indicate sheet size - I used all the leftovers from our wedding gifts.
3. Shelf Sheets By Size. If you have that many extra shelves, fancy pants. Clearly, I do not.
4. Stack Pillowcases in sets, and tie together with ribbon, if you like. It really helps if you can decide on one way of folding them, so they all turn out the same size.
5. Tuck in Scented Soaps around sheets for a pleasant aroma.

So, if you ever are a houseguest here, feel free to look upon my mighty linen closet (and, by that I mean "behind your coat, as you hang it up") and esteem me highly. Just don't look under the kitchen sink.

All Souped Up

I've been doing a pretty good job of using all of the random fruits and veggies that my farm share throws at me each week, but between braising beet greens and chopping up kohlrabi salad, I have let a few of the veggies with a longer shelf-life slip through the cracks. Which is how I ended up with a boatload of leeks and potatoes taking up space in my fridge and pantry. And, like I always say, when life gives you leeks and potatoes, make vichyssoise. Vichyssoise is a creamy cold potato-leek soup, that, despite it's Frenchy name, was invented at the Ritz-Carlton in New York City, in 1917. My first experience with it was when I was a little kid at my grandmother's country club, where they had special bowls that held ice under the soup to keep it cool, which, at the time, I thought of as the height of sophistication, and still do. With one taste I became a total devotee. Vichyssoise has that old-fashioned only-found-on-grandmothers'-country-club-menus vibe these days, but I think it's a taste that is fresh, delicious, and timeless. And this recipe, borrowed from Julia Child, is actually really easy and quick to make. (And it's just as good hot as is it cold, if that's your thing. But, if you opt for hot, it's not vichyssoise, it's just plain old potato-leek soup). Pull some of this soup out of the fridge, whip up a club sandwich or a shrimp cocktail, and give your Gram a jingle. Just don't outbid me for those vichyssoise ice bowls on eBay.

What You Need:
4 cups sliced leeks, white and light-green part only (don't use the dark-green leaves)
4 cups diced potatoes
6 to 7 cups water or chicken broth (I use 3 1/2 of each)
1 1/2 to 2 teaspoons salt or to taste
1/2 cup cream
1 Tablespoon fresh chives or parsley, minced

What You Do:

1. Bring the leeks, potatoes and water to the boil in the saucepan. Salt lightly, cover partially, and simmer 20-30 minutes, or until the vegetables are tender.
2. Purée the soup in the pot using a hand blender, or in batches in a stand blender. Add the cream. Taste, and correct seasoning.
3. Eat hot, or place in fridge to chill. After chilling, you may wish to stir in a little more cream. Taste carefully again, and correct the seasoning. Top each serving with a sprinkle of group pepper and chives or parsley or both! Yum!

It's a Marshmallow World

Here's a little cuteness to brighten up your Friday morning. I know a lot of adults who would have a hard time with this. Maybe they should employ this method at Guantanamo?

Be Prepared

While I admire the cute little clutches and handbags that are on the market, I will never be someone who carries one on a regular basis. I can't help it: I need a big bag because I just like to bring too much stuff with me everywhere I go. This propensity dates back to all the way to when I was a little girl, and I refused to leave the house without bringing all of my dolls and stuffed animals and several clothing changes and accessories for them, and myself. This intersected unfortunately with my weird-hat-wearing phase, and I earned myself the family nickname of "Bag Lady".
Only now, instead of carrying around little doll outfits, I actually carry around stuff that's useful. And ever since I posted about the mini-sized toiletries I have hunted out, I have gotten lots of requests to list the must-haves that are always in my bag. So without further ado, here are the top 40 products that I always bring with me- courtesy of the Bag Lady.

Click on the links to see the brands I prefer, and where I buy them.

1. Digital Camera
2. Cell Phone
3. Notebook
4. iPod
5. City Map
(Though, an iPhone can replace all of the above).
6. Sunglasses
7. Eyeglasses
8. Tide To Go pen
9. Hand-Sanitizing Wipes
10. Hankies
11. New York Times Crossword Puzzle
12. Keys
13. Pens
14. Hard Candies/ Mints
15. Atomizer of Perfume
16. Hair Elastics/Bobby Pins
17. Lip Gloss/ Make-Up Bag
18. Tissues
19. Dice and Playing Cards (to pass time while waiting anywhere).
20. Tampons
21. Lotion
22. Umbrella
23. Sewing Kit
24. Eye Drops
25. A Good Book
26. A Bottle of Water
27. Postage Stamps
28. Wallet
29. First Aid Kit:
30. Painkillers- Tylenol and Ibuprofen
31. Pepto-Bismol
32. Sudafed
33. Benadryl
34. Band-Aids
35. Sunscreen Wipes
36. A Small Swiss Army Knife (just remember to take it out before you try to board a plane)
37. Luna or Clif Snack Bar and Emergen-C packets
38. Matches
39. Dental Floss
40. Soap Leaves

P.S. For those who are curious, my bag is this one from Kate Spade. Right now, take 30% off anything on their site (through Oct. 4) using the promo code FallFF09. Enjoy!

A Warm Shower

Clockwise from top left: We didn't make being gorgeous a prerequisite for being invited to the party, but somehow it turned out that all the guests were; a bucket of Izze sodas in the shower's color palette (they actually taste good, too); the floral arrangement contained flowers from the grocery store, the farmer's market, and my parents' garden; the beautiful bride-to-be and me; the imprintable letterpress invitation was from Smudge Ink; the lunch buffet; the tables were set with yellow tablecloths, mixy-matchy chairs, and centerpieces in vases of all different sizes.

So, I'm sorry I have been a little M.I.A. this week (those of you who are observant will recognize that I sneakily post-dated a post for yesterday, but it really went up this morning). However, I just flew back last night from my parents' home in California, where I hosted a bridal shower for my dear friend, Lea, this weekend. We wanted the party to be a fun, casual luncheon, and, since I wanted to actually BE at the party and not stuck in the kitchen all day, I chose a menu of all foods I could prepare ahead of time and just pull out when it was time to eat. The bride's sister, Amber (who is also my great friend and co-hostess), and I cooked up fresh cold salads, grilled chicken, shrimp cocktail, and a huge platter of delicious local heirloom tomatoes that made me miss living in California (as if spending time with my lovely friends wasn't enough!) To keep things feeling put-together, we chose a color palette of bright orange, yellow and fuschia for everything from the invitation to the floral arrangements (to the sodas!) Not pictured are the mimosas and bellinis that we all indulged in, or the desserts that ended the party on a very sweet note. Here's to the happy couple!

Sugar Sugar

You have always known that brown sugar and marshmallows make a great combination- think Halloween popcorn balls or Thanksgiving yams. But I recently learned of another surprising trick involving this dynamic duo. Turns out (according to the new issue of Real Simple magazine) that putting a couple marshmallows in the bag with the brown sugar in your pantry will keep it moist and crumbly, instead of turning into a big ol' solid brick of sugar that you have to take an icepick to, as it normally does.

As a small form of disclaimer, I only just put the mallows in my sugar bag last week, so I don't know how long this trick will actually work (after all, even marshmallows get stale and hard eventually), but what are you hanging on to that brown sugar for, anyway? Make a cake!

You've Been Served

This weekend, I have been in California, throwing a bridal shower and bachelorette party for my good friend, Lea, (pictures and deets later this week!) who is getting married next month. We have been (and are still) in a full-throttle wedding planning frenzy, and I'm flying back to New York tomorrow, so I'm sorry it's so late and this won't be my most involved post of all time. Look, I'm a big enough woman to admit when I'm less-than-perfect.

But here's a quick party-throwing tip that came in handy this weekend, especially good for those of you who may be hosting a holiday supper this fall: When planning your party food, choose the serving pieces that you want your dishes to go in and arrange them on your buffet table. Make sure you choose serving spoons to go along with each one, too. Then, mark each one with a post-it note. On the day of the party, you'll be able to get everything from the oven or fridge to the table quickly and efficiently (or you can put all those help-offerers to work doing it for you). You'll be surprised at how much time and energy this little step saves you on the day.

Who says you can't get good service anymore?

Double Feature: Hipster Vids

Here's a little double feature of music videos from a weird French DJ duo that my husband likes. The videos are super creative, in a real French hipster kind of way. The first is a play on all the old classic product labels from the '80s. See how many you can recognize.




And the second is an ode to the graphic tee, which I was delighted to learn, is a hipster staple in France, too, it seems. Enjoy.

Highly Gifted

Pretty frequently, due to my persistent lack of foresight, I am ashamed to admit that I find myself in need of a little gift twenty minutes before I am supposed to be walking out the door to a birthday, housewarming or engagement party, or to go be an overnight guest in someone's house. And, under that kind of pressure, the creative gift-giving part of my brain just kind of goes into overdrive and shorts out, leaving me unable to come up with even marginally good ideas (and usually causing me to forget my keys on my way out the door, as well). To combat this, I started buying cases of nice wine, so I would always have something in a pinch, but then what happened was that we just started drinking more wine since it was always around, and I still didn't have it when I needed it. So, now, I have stocked a shelf in my linen closet with a few cute gift items, which I replenish whenever I am ever in a cute gifty store and think, "that's a cute gift". Here are some of my favorite all-purpose cute gifts, all under $30, and all guaranteed to please just about any lovely lady on your list (and some of the gents, too). So now, my presents are both present and accounted for.





From top: Robin's egg soaps, $25, from Gianna Rose Atelier; Leather birthday journal, $20, from Graphic Image; Handmade fabric bird (useless, but so cute!), from Ann Wood on etsy; Embroidered silk clutch, $28, from Forgotten Shanghai; "Do the Dishes" silkscreened tea towel, $17, from Showpony on etsy; "Mine" leather luggage tags, $25, from Cambria Cove; Delicious gourmet balsamic vinegar, $16, from Oliviers and Company.




"Bar Bingo" game, $8 for set of 12 cards, from Perpetual Kid; Leather pocket measuring tape (I keep one in my purse at all times), $29, from Graphic Image; Bright calligraphic notecards, $30, from Cambria Cove.

Coq of the Walk

Last night, I put together a meal for a group of my husband's guy friends, who came over for dinner. I ask you, what more appropriate thing to cook for a sausagefest like that than Coq au Vin? (Oh, yeah, now that I mention it, I guess sausage would have been good, too).
Coq au Vin, for you deprived souls who have not fully embraced the world of French cuisine, is a classic dish made by braising chicken in red wine. And - as is the case with most things containing red wine, bacon, onions, garlic, and parsley - it is very very tasty. And, served on top of egg noodles with butter and parsley (hey, I know what I like), hearty enough to satisfy the crowd at a man dinner party.

To follow, I made an Apple Skillet cake from Pioneer Woman's blog, which I served with honey ice cream. I know that honey ice cream is kind of prissy, but I figured the skillet made it more manly, so we broke even.

Here are the recipes, in case you are ever in need of a Y-chromosome-friendly dinner (that's delicious enough to please the gals, too). Man-tastic!

Easy Coq au Vin
Serves 6

3 fresh thyme sprigs
5 flat-leaf parsley sprigs
1 bay leaf
3 slices bacon, cut into pieces
12 bone-in, skinless chicken thighs (about 4 pounds total)
coarse salt and ground pepper
1 large onion, chopped
6 medium carrots, sliced crosswise on the diagonal into 1/2-inch pieces
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons tomato paste
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups dry red wine, such as a Pinot Noir or French Burgundy
1 can (14.5 ounces) reduced-sodium chicken broth

What you do:
1. Using cheesecloth and cotton kitchen twine, tie thyme, parsley, and bay leaf into a bundle; set aside (this is called a bouquet garni in classic french cooking- once you know how to do this, you are half way to being the chef at Les Halles).
2. Heat a Dutch oven or 5-quart heavy pot with a lid over medium-low. Add bacon; cook until browned, about 10 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer to a paper-towel-lined plate to drain (leave bacon fat in pot).
3. Raise heat to medium-high. Season chicken generously with salt and pepper. Working in two or three batches to avoid crowding, brown chicken about 4 minutes per side. Transfer to a plate; set aside.
4. Add onion, carrots, and garlic to pot. Cook until onion softens, about 4 minutes. Stir in tomato paste and flour; cook 1 minute.
5. Add wine, broth, chicken, and herb bundle. Bring to a boil; cover, and reduce to a simmer. Cook 10 minutes; uncover, and simmer until chicken is cooked through, about 10 minutes. Remove and discard herb bundle; stir in bacon.

Apple Skillet Cake
(You should check out Pioneer Woman's original post on this- she illustrates each step very appetizingly)

4 to 5 small Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and cut into six equal slices, plus 1 apple peeled, cored and chopped finely
2 3/4 sticks butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
2 large eggs
1/2 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 small Granny Smith apple, peeled, cored, and chopped finely

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a 9 to 10-inch skillet, melt 1 3/4 sticks of butter over low heat. Add 3/4 cup sugar to the pan and stir around, then place apple slices, wedge side down, in the pan. Don’t pack them too tightly, but try not to leave overly large gaps. Allow this to cook over low/medium-low heat while you make the cake batter.

2. In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat 1 stick of butter and 3/4 cup sugar until light and fluffy. Mix in vanilla and eggs. Add sour cream and mix well. In another bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Gradually add flour mixture to butter mixture until just combined. Gently stir in 1 chopped apple.

Remove skillet from heat. Spoon batter over the top, then spread gently so batter is evenly distributed. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until cake is golden brown and bubbly. Allow cake to sit in skillet for five minutes, then invert onto a serving plate. Don’t worry if some of the topping isn’t perfect—it’ll taste perfect!

Let's Talk Caulk

...Or, just replace it, depending on how mildewy and moldy you've allowed your bathtub or shower caulk to get. Honestly, how do you expect to get clean in an enclosed space that is that dirty? And all that steam is just opening up your lungs so you can breathe in more spores. Nice.

But, even if you've cleaned it religiously, eventually your caulk is going to start pulling away from the wall and looking shabby- it's in caulk's nature to make your life miserable, and it should be replaced every year to two years (depending on if you're one of those "my hair looks better the day after I wash it" people). Also, once the caulk starts to pull away or crack you risk letting water leak down the wall and create a big ole mess underneath your tub, potentially leaking into your downstairs neighbors apartment and ruining their priceless collection of vintage Playboy magazines. Is that what you want to happen?

You might look upon this chore with dread and loathing, but in reality- you guessed it- it is actually really easy. And kind of fun, if you get off on making things that are ugly look better, which, obviously, I do. (Incidentally, if I ever get asked to do Playboy, that is going in my "turn-ons" list - it doesn't exactly take a genius to come up with sexy innuendo about "caulk").

Here's what you need:
A razor blade or box cutter
Mold and mildew cleaning product
hairdryer (or time)
Latex gloves
paper towels
A tube of caulking (acrylic or silicone are fine). If you are just caulking one tub, a simple tube is easier to use than a caulking gun.

Here's what you do:
1. Remove all the old caulk with the razor blade or box cutter (being careful not to cut or scratch the tub or tile, itself).
2. Use the cleaning product to clean the whole area of any mold or mildew. Dry completely with the paper towels, and then with the hair dryer (or allow to dry overnight). This is a super important step because if you put the caulk on a wet surface it will just pull up again, and then where will we be?
3. Put on the latex gloves, and cut the end off the tube of caulking- don't make the hole too large to begin with- start small and then cut further up the tube if need be.
4. Squeeze a 1/4-inch line of caulking right along the seam in the wall/edge of the tub. Dampen an index finger and gently smooth along the line, wiping away any excess or sloppy-looking caulk.
5. Allow caulk to dry for at least 24 hours, or following instructions on tube of caulking.
6. Draw a bubble bath, climb in and soak, enjoying a glass of champagne and reading one of your favorite magazines. You know, because you like it for the articles.

Garlic A-Peel

Well, one thing I know for sure is that I will definitely not be hosting any vampires at dinner parties in my house (such a relief!) because I have a serious thing for garlic. I like it in everything, cooked or raw, and I sometimes make a garlic-balsamic salad dressing that leaves you with the ability to peel paint off walls with your breath. It's delicious. Plus, garlic is one of those foods that is so good for you, that they put it in capsules and call it vitamins- eating this stuff staves off heart disease, high cholesterol, fungus and cancer. It's so rare when something so delicious is also good for you- there is nothing to do but take full advantage of garlic's wonderfulness.
But the unpleasant part of cooking with garlic is peeling those tricky papery skins off the cloves. Luckily, there is an easy trick that takes all the hard work and frustration out of peeling garlic. And, even more fortuitously, I know it.
Here's what you do:
Lay the garlic clove on a cutting board. Place the side of a large knife on top of it, and, using the palm of your hand, whack down on top of it (really give it a good whack- it's better than therapy). The clove will crunch a little, but the skin will miraculously separate from the garlic flesh, making it a snap to remove. So get cooking with garlic!
Now, does any one know any good ways to test if your houseguest is a zombie?