Those of you who have read every post I've written since I started blogging 2+ years ago (Hi Mom!) may have wondered to yourselves why I have gone this long without ever doing a post on one of housekeeping's greatest mysteries and challenges- how to fold a fitted sheet. Well, the truth is that nobody's good at everything, and this is a skill I can honestly say I don't have. In the past, even when I have tried my hardest at neatly folding, my fitted sheets typically come out looking like some giant's used hankie. But that may be because I was doing it wrong! Check out this video my friend, Irene, alerted me to, via kottke.org. This lady takes the sheet and turns it into a perfect, flat rectangle, like some kind of sweet, nurturing magician, set to gentle guitar chords. I could seriously watch this video all day. And maybe after I watch it a few more times, I'll actually go into my linen closet and attempt it. Or maybe I'll just have a cup of tea.
For those who prefer written instruction, here are the basic steps she takes (although, to use an idiom I think I just made up, "no one ever learned to walk by reading a book!").
Note: Your sheet will end up with much fewer wrinkles if you do this when it's still warm out of the dryer.
1. Take the fitted sheet, inside-out and place one hand in each of two of the pockets, along one of the long sides. Bring your hands together, and transfer the pocket on one hand on top of the other, so that both pockets are over one hand.
2. Using your free hand, follow the edge of the sheet down to the next loose pocket. Bring that up and tuck it inside the two pockets that are already folded together. Repeat with the fourth pocket so that all of them are nested together.
3. Still holding the sheet by it's corners, straighten any folds and the edges, so that the sheet forms a rough rectangle. Lie the sheet down on a flat surface and smooth further.
4. Fold the sheet in thirds width-wise, and then in thirds again lengthwise. If it turns out badly, just watch the nice lady do it again.
If you were somehow granted the power to listen to my thoughts, you would probably be disturbed by the amount of energy I spend analyzing other people's thoughts and actions. (You would also probably be amazed at the sheer amount of time I spend thinking about cheese, as well, but that's neither here nor there). It's like there's a mini Dr. Phil who lives inside my brain (sort of like in the classic Lily Tomlin-Steve Martin comedy All of Me, except I doubt I fall in love with Dr. Phil at the end. And this Dr. Phil loves cheese.) Essentially, I am a burgeoning amateur pop psychologist. Which is why I am sort of obsessed with these very cool videos my husband found on YouTube. They are made by a group called RSA who are obviously also really into pop psychology like me, but much smarter and way, way better at drawing. I hope you enjoy.
Sometimes it feels like the world of technology is moving faster than etiquette can keep up. And nowhere is that more apparent than on Facebook. Unless you are ultra-selective with your friends, your Facebook friends aren’t the same thing as your REAL friends. They’re more like your Facebook acquaintances. And, as such, they shouldn’t have (nor do they want, most of the time) access to your most intimate life details. If you really need advice about a break-up or you notice your friend is looking “puffy” and want to know if she’s pregnant, this is not the venue to ask. Write an email, or pick up the phone - (that’s that thing with the numbered buttons, remember?). While the helpful PSA above outlines the basics, I've added some of my own guidelines (some of which I am guilty of having broken myself in the past). Just follow these simple rules and you'll be able to keep your head and save face on Facebook.
Facebook Etiquette 101
1. Never change your relationship status alone- it should be a joint decision when, and whether, you go from “It’s Complicated” to “In a Relationship”, lest your affectionate outreach end up unreciprocated. And never, ever, ever, break up with someone by changing your status to “Single”. That is ice cold. Your former flame deserves to know it’s over at least half an hour before his or her 387 best friends do.
2. Don’t “friend” people you don’t know. It’s fine to go through your friends’ friends looking for hotties, but ask your friend for an introduction first. If you absolutely can’t resist “friend”-ing someone you don’t know, at least send a message to them introducing yourself. Unless you are confident enough in your profile pic that you think it speaks for you, I guess.
3. Conversely, it is absolutely okay to decline a friend request from someone you don’t know (I recommend it, actually). No matter how good you make your privacy settings, they only work if you don’t friend anyone who asks. It’s like installing a high-tech security system in your house, and then leaving the door ajar. And it’s okay to un-friend someone after the fact, too – they won’t receive notification that it has happened (although they might try to look at your profile or get a “friend suggestion” for you, blowing your cover. If they confront you about it, just claim Mark Zuckerberg must have screwed up something in the system.
4. “Poking” isn’t a substitute for real friendship. If we went to high school together and haven’t seen one another in years, a “poke” isn’t exactly the best way to catch up. If you want to be in touch with someone, write something on their wall, message or email them, instead. Or, if you don’t particularly care about them, then keep your virtual fingers to yourself.
5. When going in to Facebook from someone else’s computer, always remember to make sure they are logged out before you sign in, and that you log yourself out when you are done. When my now-husband and I were dating, I saw that an old friend of mine and I weren’t Facebook friends anymore. I friended her and jokingly wrote the message, “OMG, biznatch, did you un-friend me?” Turns out I was logged in to my boyfriend’s profile, and they hadn’t met yet. Oops. I had some 'splaining to do after that.
6. It’s nice to update your status every now and then, but don’t go overboard. If you find yourself logging into Facebook to update your status to say what you’re doing before you actually do anything, then you need to reprioritize your life, dude. Plus, not everyone wants to know the embarrassing details of everything you (or your baby, or your dog) do. Look through your friends, and choose one (like your friend’s dad) to use as your standard-bearer. Before you update your status to, “iS ssoO/)ooo drrunk, and hungary fot pIZtza”, think of Mr. Friends-Dad, and whether you want him to read it when he wakes up in the morning. Then press “delete”.
7. Give your photos a serious, critical, look. Don’t be an idiot- take down, or at least un-tag, that pic of you playing beer-pong in a bikini (even if your butt looks great in it). Not only is your friend’s dad gonna see it, but so might potential employers. If you post pictures of friends, keep the same thought in mind for them. Once something goes ON the Internet, you can never fully take it off.
8. There’s a reason Facebook has “wall posts” and “messages” – they are two different things. “I luv u baby, you r so hott” is something best said (or messaged) in private, not posted on your paramour’s wall. Wall posts should be things that other people will find funny or interesting, too. The exception to this is birthday posts, because having a wall-full of birthday wishes from people you hardly know makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.
Follow these rules and you'll be interacting in the virtual world with just as much grace as you do in the real world. Just please don't ask me for etiquette tips for your World of Warcraft or Second Life avatars.
Upon realizing, a few weeks ago, that the summer had drawn to a close and winter had initiated a staring contest with us, my husband, JM, did the only thing a wise man could do: He gave in. Suddenly, when I went to Google anything, it automatically suggested "Vail," "Killington," "Rossignol," or "Jackson Hole" and our Netflix queue had a massive influx of Warren Miller ski videos. The man had put away all childish thoughts of beaches and Coronas with lime and had moved on to dreaming about parabolics and fresh pow. And, for that, I cannot blame him. I mean, a man has to have a hobby. Concerningly, however, when it comes to skiing, JM is a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde. While in our daily life he is a very thoughtful and intelligent man, somehow when he comes into contact with the lethal combination of frozen precipitation and terrain with a slope of greater than 15 degrees, he becomes a lunatic: a man who will throw himself off cliffs without a second thought; a man who thinks it's fun to glide perilously close to natural hazards while blaring techno through the headphones built into his helmet; a man I hardly recognize (it also doesn't help that his mask and goggles cover most of his face). Luckily, just in time for ski season, my cousin sent us this video, which, hopefully, will knock some sense into my brazen daredevil of a husband. If you have ever wondered what it would be like to be caught in an avalanche, wonder no more. Spoiler alert: this guy survives, after being dug out by his friends after about 4 minutes (which apparently never happens). And it is a truly moving and amazing thing to watch. Even if you aren't a ski demon.
Here's a little cuteness to brighten up your Friday morning. I know a lot of adults who would have a hard time with this. Maybe they should employ this method at Guantanamo?
Here's a little double feature of music videos from a weird French DJ duo that my husband likes. The videos are super creative, in a real French hipster kind of way. The first is a play on all the old classic product labels from the '80s. See how many you can recognize.
And the second is an ode to the graphic tee, which I was delighted to learn, is a hipster staple in France, too, it seems. Enjoy.
Due to a scheduling snafu that was beyond my control (okay, fine, it was all my fault) my post yesterday did not go up on time, for which I am truly sorry. I hope it didn't make your Thursday unbearable not being able to read about dog collars. To make it up to you, I am presenting you with a bipolar video double-feature today. The first is a hauntingly cool, strangely beautiful and sad Dutch short film, that will probably make you hungry for chocolate.
And the second is a very helpful workout video to help you burn off those chocolate calories, and turn your frown upside-down. Enjoy the emotional roller-coaster!
Since we got Skipper, and I am watching as she makes such quick strides with learning the basics, like all, um, mothers, I have started to see unlimited potential in her. What sorts of hidden talents is she harboring? Luckily, YouTube has provided some inspiration for what I should be aspiring to for her. Like, maybe she'll turn out to be an awesome surfer!
Since we're close to the ocean very often, maybe she would be better off learning how to skateboard like this little dude. However, I do have some concerns that she would start wearing her pants too low and become a little punk.
And this New York woman taught her dog how to read. Needless to say, I have hired her to help me train Skipper. I have pretty high hopes for her literacy.
When it comes to helping my doggy excel and thrive, I am, well, dogged.
When I was a preteen (in the days before they were called "tweens"), I had a group of like-minded girlfriends with whom I would spend long summer days choreographing dance routines, which we would then perform for all of our siblings and parents (much to their extreme delight, I am sure). We expressed ourselves through movement to such notable hits as "Stand By Me" ( a dance which involved a lot of, you guessed it, standing by one another), Whitney Houston's "The Queen of the Night", and, in our most critically lauded performance, "Jump" by Kriss Kross, for which we all wore our pants backwards. Watch out, Martha Graham.
Here is a music video from the band OK Go, the gentlemen who brought us the much-more-widely-seen (but sadly un-bloggable) Treadmill Dance. These guys clearly understand the good time that can be had with a little imagination and some slammin' moves. Just TRY not to smile while you watch it- it gets me every time (especially the fight sequence- genius!).
If you get a little bored this weekend, get some of your grooviest (or geekiest) friends together, pick out an upbeat tune, and cook up a little magic in motion. I dare you not to have a blast.
There are so many life-lesson gems to be mined from this video... learn to rely on yourself, love the one you're with, buy all your car batteries with a lifetime guarantee from J.C. Penney... but I think I'll let you watch it and draw your own conclusions. If I'm anything like this broad in 60 years, I'd have no complaints.
I'm a woman of simple pleasures and, admittedly, it doesn't take much to make me happy. But, like everyone, I do I have occasional, um, moods, when things just aren't going my way. Luckily, some geniuses out there were kind enough to compile the cutest crap on the internet into a few very mood-elevating websites. No longer do you have to search through youtube looking for really cute stuff to make you feel better about your life. So helpful.
Here's just a little taste of the cuteness that awaits you on these sites.
Every time I come home to the beautiful little California garden cottage I grew up in, I become more aware of what an usual slice of paradise it is (and I question my own sanity for moving to New York City). At my house, there are bouquets of fresh-picked garden roses in every room, and freshly-squeezed orange juice waiting for you at the breakfast table (well, sometimes you have to squeeze the juice yourself, but still). And there is a grove of avocado trees where every Spring, the boughs hang heavy with their delicious bounty. My dad has a long stick with a saw attached to the end which he uses to cut down the avocados (I realize this might be a regular garden tool for those who manage trees, but I haven't had much need for one in my terrace garden, so it seems sort of quaint and charming to me), and someone has to chase the fallen avocados to gather them as they roll down the hill. So unlike New York where I pay $2 a pop at the corner store for avocados that may or may not be brown and mealy inside (it's like buying a scratch-off lotto ticket, you just have to keep your fingers crossed), here the avocados, well, grow on trees. Avocado is a delicious and healthy add-on to any salad, sandwich, meat, chicken fish or egg dish (or really, you name it), or you can let it take center stage in the role it was born to play: guacamole. Here's my loose recipe for guac- the quantities are a little bit of a guess since I never measure - I just chop up all the ingredients and combine them until they taste right. Feel free to play with the proportions or get crazy and throw some pineapple or mango into the mix.
Guacamole 2 ripe avocados, flesh cut into cubes 1/2 red onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup) 1/2 jalapeño pepper, stems and seeds removed, minced (optional) 1/4 cup cilantro leaves, finely chopped 1 clove of garlic, finely minced 1-2 tablespoons fresh lime juice 1/2 teaspoon coarse salt A dash of freshly grated black pepper 1/2 ripe tomato, seeds and pulp removed, chopped
Combine all of the elements in a bowl and toss to combine. Eat with chips, veggies, crackers, or your hands.
And in case you're someone who learns better from song, I found this video pretty entertaining.
Watching this video makes me form all kinds of theses about the relationship between commercialism and art. But rather than subject you to my (sure-to-be-perspicacious) musings, I think it might be more fun for you to just watch the darn thing.
P.S. Any idea where I can find eye-masks like that? To die for.
Despite my efforts last Fall to make my closet look attractive, there is no escaping its diminutive size. In my Fantasy Dream House, there will be a huge walk in closet with twenty-foot ceilings and rolling ladders on tracks so I can reach the things at the top (in my mental floorplan, this closet is located between the two-story bathroom with waterslide, and the dog grooming salon).
For a little hump-day daydreaming, here is a Heinekin commercial that made me laugh, and a selection of covet-worthy celebrity closets. Okay, so, this post isn't exactly useful for those of us in the Real World, but a girl can dream, right? All photos are from InStyle.
Nothing warms my shackles like the story of an inter-species friendship. I don't just mean a symbiotic relationship of convenience like hippos and those birds that ride around on their backs, or humans and the bacteria that live in our intestines, I mean a real friendship. Something about animals totally going against nature in choosing their best buds creates a very poignant message about setting aside our difference and just trying to love one another. Of course, it's not really sustainable on a broader scale: I mean, if, all of a sudden, frogs and snow leopards were hanging out together and blow fish were cruising around holding fins with sharks, it would really throw off the whole food chain pretty badly and have disastrous repercussions. So don't think about it too much- just feel it. Happy Weekend!
Check out this music video by Jem- it is made using 25,632 still photographs compiled together. They save that as a reveal at the end of the video, but I'm blowing the surprise because watching it with that knowledge is awesome, and watching it without knowing that just kind of made me seasick. I dig the catchy tune, too- you might recognize it from the Sex and the City movie. Or you might not, because you're a man.
I'm a big fan of Ira Glass, and his This American Life series. These little animated shorts are from the show, and, stated plainly, I think they're awesome. Though simple and amusing they are also quite poignant. This one is a statement about the responsibility of the media.
The last of a dying breed (or the first of a new breed), I am the only 29-year-old housewife I know. I cook, I clean, I bake, I sew, I make things from scratch. Care to join me?
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