Sweater Weather

I grew up in California, and, in case you were wondering, what the Beach Boys and Katy Perry have told you is true about us California girls.  I was tan and wore flip-flops, shorts and bikinis all year. There was nary a boot, turtleneck, or scarf to be found within 100 miles of my closet. So, needless to say, when I moved to Boston for college, I was more than a little out to lunch and wildly unprepared for winter. Suffice it to say, I brought twelve sarongs with me, and zero coats.
The first day it really got cold that fall, I had to wear all of my clothes at once in order to keep from freezing on my way to the dining hall. Over the course of that year, I picked up a thing or two in the classroom, but what I mostly acquired was a collection of sweaters, which the intervening years of my east-coast residence have only served to multiply. And, strangely, I have come to love sweaters. The problem with sweaters, though, is, unlike sarongs, you can't just throw them in the laundry. And, if you, um, glow like I do when the radiator kicks on, dry cleaning can get rather pricey. Luckily, after years of trial and error, I discovered a method for washing my wool and cashmere sweaters at home, which leaves them cleaner, fresher, and softer than dry cleaning.  Which is good, because I now pretty much wear a daily uniform of jeans and cute sweater from October until May. The rest of the time, I'm back in shorts and flip-flops. After all, you can take the girl out of California...

 Step 1: Fill your sink with hot or warm (you heard me!) water and a squirt of Dawn, or another gentle dishwashing liquid, and carefully place your sweater in it. Contrary to popular belief, hot water is not damaging to wool, but regular laundry detergent (even Woolite) and agitation ARE. So avoid the urge to swish or agitate the water once you have put the sweater in, and just let it soak until spots are dissolved. 

 Step 2: If your washing machine has a Delicates setting for "Rinse" and "Spin", you can move your sweater into the washer and use those two cycles to, well, rinse and spin it. If your washer doesn't do that, gently drain the soapy water in your sink, and refill the sink with warm water a few times until the sweater is rinsed. Then, carefully transfer the sweater to a dry towel and roll the towel until the sweater is just damp.

Step 3: Transfer the sweater to a dry towel, and lay it out flat, in the shape the sweater will be worn. Allow sweater to dry completely before folding and putting it away.  See- no sweat!

In The Fold

Those of you who have read every post I've written since I started blogging 2+ years ago (Hi Mom!) may have wondered to yourselves why I have gone this long without ever doing a post on one of housekeeping's greatest mysteries and challenges- how to fold a fitted sheet. Well, the truth is that nobody's good at everything, and this is a skill I can honestly say I don't have. In the past, even when I have tried my hardest at neatly folding, my fitted sheets typically come out looking like some giant's used hankie. But that may be because I was doing it wrong! Check out this video my friend, Irene, alerted me to, via kottke.org. This lady takes the sheet and turns it into a perfect, flat rectangle, like some kind of sweet, nurturing magician, set to gentle guitar chords.  I could seriously watch this video all day. And maybe after I watch it a few more times, I'll actually go into my linen closet and attempt it. Or maybe I'll just have a cup of tea.



For those who prefer written instruction, here are the basic steps she takes (although, to use an idiom I think I just made up, "no one ever learned to walk by reading a book!").

Note: Your sheet will end up with much fewer wrinkles if you do this when it's still warm out of the dryer.

1. Take the fitted sheet, inside-out and place one hand in each of two of the pockets, along one of the long sides. Bring your hands together, and transfer the pocket on one hand on top of the other, so that both pockets are over one hand.

2. Using your free hand, follow the edge of the sheet down to the next loose pocket. Bring that up and tuck it inside the two pockets that are already folded together. Repeat with the fourth pocket so that all of them are nested together.

3. Still holding the sheet by it's corners, straighten any folds and the edges, so that the sheet forms a rough rectangle. Lie the sheet down on a flat surface and smooth further.

4. Fold the sheet in thirds width-wise, and then in thirds again lengthwise. If it turns out badly, just watch the nice lady do it again.

I Like To Move It, Move It

To answer your question ("Where ARE you?"), I'm back in California this week. The purpose of this trip is multi-fold: I'm visiting my parents before the holidays (as we will be spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas with JM's family this year), I attended a family milestone birthday party, I'm checking up on my baby brother-in-law who recently moved to L.A., and I'm running a half-marathon on Saturday. Here's the thing: Whenever I'm out here, I am struck by how active my days are. And without my even trying (half-marathon aside, of course)! It seems like all the fun things I do- swimming in the pool, going to the beach, playing croquet, volleyball or Frisbee (if you can, in fact, call my efforts "playing Frisbee"- I might be the only person in the universe incapable of putting spin on a Frisbee), hiking, yoga, chasing after my friend's baby- are all inherently active and athletic pursuits. In fact, the only thing I do that isn't exercise is sun-bathing, and even then, I break a serious sweat. It's like the exercise just happens without my even thinking about it.
Which, now that I think about it, is probably why my parents, who are senior citizens, actually look more like seniors in college (okay, that may be a slight exaggeration, but you get the idea). It seems like instead of allocating an hour at the gym every day, you can achieve similar, or better, health results just by keeping moving all the time. So my new motto for life (I have a few of them), is "Just Keep Moving".
Here are just a few healthy habits for things you can do in your real life to keep your body in shape, without setting foot in a gym. Admittedly, these aren't as much fun as beach volleyball, but they sure beat the treadmill.


-Walk It: Instead of taking the car, walk your errands (or even better, run them). Carry your laundry to the cleaners and pick up your dinner as take-out, instead of having it delivered. Take the stairs instead of the elevator (or better yet, move into a 5th-floor walk-up, like us). If you have to drive, park on the far side of the parking lot and walk across, like my dad does.

-Bike It: Put the new bike lanes in New York City to use, and bike to work and around the city. Just please wear a helmet- if the pedaling doesn't get your heart pounding, near accidents with taxis certainly will. It's just like Spinning class, but without that hamster-on-a-wheel feeling.

-Carry It: Instead of getting a cart at the grocery store, grab a basket. You'll work your biceps carrying it around, and you'll be less likely to buy junk you don't need. And while you're at it, bring your own bags to the store and carry your groceries home yourself (this is especially good exercise if you live in a walk-up, see?)

-Build It: Earlier this week, I assembled my parents' new grill. At one point, I was in a crunch position for about ten minutes attaching two parts, and I realized that even that is pretty decent exercise. So next time you make a run to Ikea, load the car and assemble it yourself. And since you'll have to deal with sorting out all those screws and washers and deciphering those directions, this one will be a good exercise for your brain, too.

-Fix It: Anyone who has ever tried to move a toilet, or held a 50-lb lighting fixture while someone else screwed it in to the ceiling, knows that DIY is as good for your bod as it is for your house. And it's so rewarding!

-Clean It: Next time you have to clean your place, put on your workout gear and some pump-up tunes (I recommend Sean Paul), and treat it like it's exercise. It'll be a better workout than a jazzercise tape, and you'll get so much more done.

-Grow It: If you have the space (and green thumb) for it, start a garden. Shoveling, weeding, mowing, hoeing, mulching and watering are all great exercise, and you'll have pretty flowers or tasty veggies to show for it (in addition to your rock-hard abs).

Here's hoping this moves you!

Selling Power

Earlier this week, I dropped my phone, shattering the display glass (prompting my ever-so-tactful husband to sigh and say, "maybe you just shouldn't own fragile things"). After I shot him a steely glare of fury, I decided that instead of paying someone to repair the phone, I would do it myself (in my typical, frugal, DIY way) using a kit I got off the Internet, and instructions via Youtube. I have a good sense of the mechanical, and better-than-average fix-it skills, and the nerds in the video made the repair process look like a breeze, so I really thought I had it in the bag.  But as I was trying to pry the little fragments of broken glass off the phone, I heard an ominous crunch from inside the phone, which portended what I already knew to be true- I had made a bad situation much, much worse.  All of this is to say that I had an unexpected major expense this week in the form of a new cell phone.

In order to offset the cost, and for a fun little goal for myself, I decided I should try to recoup my loss by selling stuff from around the house. Drawing inspiration and advice from my friend Rachel, who has sold more stuff than Ron Popeil, I got out my digital camera, and set to work. Here are the best ways to sell your stuff- even the junk you think is worthless- to easily get some quick cash. Remember, one girl's trash is another girl's brand new iPhone 4. Or something like that.

EBay: I have long been an eBay buyer, but I recently took my first foray into selling. Almost anything you want to sell, you can find a buyer for on eBay. I mostly have sold clothes- anything brand name in good condition will fetch you at least a few bucks- just take flattering photos of the article on a hanger against a white background. Be honest about any flaws, and start the bidding low. I suggest listing a bunch of things all at once- people who like one of your items might check out the others, and you'll save yourself a bunch of trips to the post office when you ship them.


Craig's List: If you live in a fairly metropolitan area, you should list your items on your local Craig's List. I have used Craig's List to sell old furniture and household goods. Again, nice pictures that show the item in a flattering light are a must. Check to see what the going rate is for similar items, and undercut it by a few dollars, and feel free to haggle with buyers. The benefit of this selling method is that the buyer will pick up the item from you (no shipping!), but to be safe, you should meet them at a well-lit, crowded spot, like the coffee shop on your corner. If you are selling something large like a piece of furniture and must let the buyer in your home, make sure there is someone else there at the time- the world is full of freaky people, and one of them might show up at your door under the guise of buying your old boombox.


Gazelle.com: If you have old computers, cell phones, iPods, video games, PDAs or other electronics lying around, Gazelle.com wants to buy them from you. They will even send you secure prepaid packaging in which to return it to them, so you don't even have to worry about postage. I sold them an old laptop that was totally dead and a Palm Pilot that I had in the 90s, and they actually gave me money for them. Ironically, they even bought the cell phone I trashed. 


Second Spin: You know how all of your music is on your computer now? But you still have stacks and stacks of old CDs lying around taking up space, don't you? Second Spin will buy your used CDs and DVDs for a decent price. So you can clear out those drawers or shelves of all those ugly plastic cases (and put money there instead).


At Last Resort:  If you have stuff you can't sell, but is still redeemable (i.e. a whole bag of gently-worn Old Navy tank tops), there's still one thing you can do- give it away. Take it to a non-profit thrift shop (try Housing Works in NYC, or the Salvation Army nationwide) and get a receipt so you can deduct the donation from your taxes. It won't technically make you money, but it might save you a bit come April. Plus, it might actually help someone else out, too.

If you have never tried selling things, you'll be amazed at how fun, and oddly addictive, it is. Give it a try- I foresee your closets getting less cramped, and your wallets getting more so.

A "Better" Rule

 I have a weird habit of telling myself what to do. Like, I'll throw a tissue at a public garbage can and miss, and be about to just walk away and leave it, when the busybody in my head says, "where do you think you're going?," and I have to sheepishly go back and pick it up.  This is probably because I'm very bossy in general, and because I was home-schooled as a child and spent a lot of time in my own head (not much has changed, really, now that I think about it- except now you guys have a window in). I suppose this is what you call a "conscience," but I choose to think of it as my own personal Internal Rule Book.  These rules include things like "Never Put Off Until Tomorrow What You Can Do Today" and that old classic "Do Unto Others..."

But one of the best rules I try to live by is "Leave It Better Than You Found It".  Once you get this little phrase knocking around in your noggin, you'll be amazed at how often it applies to your situation. Here are just some of the little ways to try to leave things better as you go through your day.


While Shopping- When you try things on in a store,  hang everything you're not buying back up on the right hangers to give back to the salesperson, and pick up any pins or tags that are lying around.


 Litter- When I take Skip for a walk and have to use a baggie to pick up her, ahem, deposits, I also pick up whatever stray cigarette butts or gum wrappers are lying  around nearby. I am already crouching on the sidewalk with a plastic bag on my hand, so why not?


Bathrooms- When you use a public restroom (or even at a friend's house), replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty, and rinse out the sink when you wash your hands. Even if the mess was there when you got there, the next person is going to think you did it, so you might as well tidy up a bit.


Borrowed Things- If you borrow anything, be it a dress, a car, or a power saw from a friend, give it back in better condition than you got it- send the dress to the dry cleaner, replace the blade on the saw, and fill up the tank on the car.  It's still way cheaper than buying your own.


Parties- I'm not suggesting you turn on a loud Huey Lewis song and start a food fight like in some 80's movie, or try to be the life of the party at every shindig you attend, but if you introduce two people who make a connection, man the bar for a little bit (again, no Cocktail- style bottle twirling required) and help clean up a few glasses at the end of the night, the party will have been better for your being there. 

At the Office- At even the best offices, things sometimes get boring, tedious, frustrating, depressing, and repetitive. Rather than joining in the chorus of complaints, though, shut your mouth and try to make things just a tiny bit better- replace the toner cartridge in the printer everyone's been ignoring, bring in some cookies to share, thank someone for their hard work, and give credit where it's due. At least you won't be bored.


Your Home- Each day, try to make your house or apartment a little better than it was the day before - Whether that's through a big project like re-tiling your bathroom, or a little one like changing a light bulb that's burned out. I don't always succeed at this one (it's a little like swimming against the tide), but I'm always glad I tried.


 Boyfriends- Well... you probably aren't going to change them much for the better. But at least try not to screw them up too much for the next girl.

When you set your mind to the idea of the little contributions you can make to wherever you are, you'll find yourself doing them without thinking.  At least until that little voice in your head says "well done, ol' chap!"

Wait, did I mention that my conscience is British?

Travel Tip #006: The Squeeky Wheel

As you may or may not have noticed as a reader of this blog, I'm not much of a complainer. I know my life is pretty great- I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and I tend to look for the silver lining, since I know I'm having my cake and eating it, too (and a lot of other corny idioms and rainbows and unicorns). However, I have learned that in certain circumstances, a little complaining can be a positive thing, especially when it is warranted.
I happen to love to travel, which is a good thing, since it feels like JM and I find ourselves on an airplane, in a car, or on a train just about every week these days. In the summer we are like nomadic gypsies, rambling our way from wedding to wedding, with barely a stopover at home to water the plants (RIP, boxwoods). But, every once in a while, while traveling, you encounter a situation where the service or amenities are less than what was promised, and in that case, I think the best thing you can do is to air your grievances. In the last couple of years, I have lodged complaints about an airplane that was stiflingly hot, one where the tray table, reading light, and earphone jack at my seat were all broken, and at restaurants where I waited an hour past my reservation to be seated, or was double-billed. Just last week, at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, our shower drained very slowly, and it took two days for a handyman to come fix it. Did I complain? You betcha!
In all of these cases, the companies were extremely gracious in accepting the complaint, and I was rewarded in the form of travel vouchers, refunds, and in the case of the Bellagio, an $85 "inconvenience credit." But before you start going around on a complaint rampage, bellyaching about every little thing, here are a few tips for how to properly, and profitably, lodge a complaint.

1. Go To The Right Person: You will only frustrate and embarrass yourself and everyone around you if you raise a stink to a flight attendant or a waitress at a restaurant. Those people rarely have the power to redress your issue, and while you are tying them up with your rant, you are causing them to neglect all of the other customers. Instead, quietly and politely ask to speak with the restaurant or hotel manager. Or in the case of airlines or retailers, wait until you are at home, and place a call or send an email to the complaints department. I have found that when they are expressed at the right time and place, companies are not only receptive to complaints, they welcome them, and are grateful to be made aware of the problem.
2. Don't Lose Your Temper: The minute you show yourself to be angry, the person you are speaking to will get defensive, and you will have lost. Not only that, but if you allow yourself to get riled up and pissed off, it will make a bad situation worse. Don't make a scene and spoil a vacation over a little problem. Try to keep your voice soft, your language clean, and your tone professional and polite. I always say, "You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." (You didn't think I was out of corny idioms, did you?)
3. Make It Logical, Not Personal: When you lodge your complaint, make sure you describe and itemize the actual problems that caused you to be inconvenienced. "I believe there was an error on our bill" will yield far more positive results than "That jerk waiter is trying to swindle me".  You will come off a lot better to your dining or travel companions, too, who might start wishing they could disappear if you throw back your chair and start yelling.
4. Put It In Writing: If your complaint is not handled to your satisfaction at the time of the problem, go home and write a letter or an email to the proper party. Often, companies will take a written complaint more seriously than a spoken one.
5. Be Respectful and Reasonable: You can't fault a hotel for your room lights going out during a tropical storm.  But you should definitely mention it if your lights go out due to a blown fuse and the hotel takes an unreasonable time to respond. Have some restraint about what you complain about, and your issues will be taken more seriously. And, sometimes, when it seems like more trouble than it's worth, just force yourself to overlook the problems and have a good time in spite of them. If you go around whining about every little thing, you will spoil all the fun of us silver-lining folks.

Skip's Tips: 10 Things I've Learned From My Dog

This Sunday marks the one-year anniversary of the day we brought our sweet little beagle Skipper home from the shelter.  She has since become my constant companion, my best (non-human) friend, my confidante (she's excellent at keeping secrets), and my shadow. And while I'd like to say that I've taught her a lot in these twelve months (e.g. roll over), upon reflection, it seems she has taught me even more. Here is just a sampling of good ideas I have picked up from watching my little dog interact in the world.

1. Naps Are Awesome.  Skip spends about 18 hours of every day snoozing. Whether it's on her favorite wingback chair, in a small patch of sun on the kitchen floor, or on JM's lap the minute he sits down, she takes the most wonderful looking naps all over the apartment (so good, in fact, that her tail frequently wags in her sleep). But the second the buzzer rings, JM walks in the door, or I open the closet where I keep her leash, she pops up, full of energy and raring to go. I now approach naps with the same philosophy- find a comfy spot anywhere (no darkness or bedding necessary), close your eyes for a few minutes and just enjoy the relaxing feeling. Whether you fall asleep or not, it does wonders for recharging your batteries.

2. Anywhere Is A Good Place To Make New Friends. It is difficult to walk Skipper around the block quickly, because she approaches everyone we encounter (canine or human) with an irresistible smile and wagging tail. Before we got her, we hadn't met a single one of our neighbors, but after this year, we know everyone (and every chihuahua, basset hound, and dachshund) on the block. And she is completely non-discerning- she loves little kids, surly teens, homeless people, and cops all equally. She even loves the vet and the mailman. Through her, I have made great new friendships with everyone from the five-year-old downstairs to the dry cleaning delivery guy to every doorman this side of Central Park.

3. Greet Like You Mean It. Whether you have been out all day, or just went around the corner to get a coffee, Skipper will greet you upon your return as if you were made out of beef jerky. It is hard to feel down on yourself, even on the worst day, when there is someone waiting for you at home for whom you are the whole world. I try to remember to express that same joy and love when JM walks in the door after work (although it's awfully hard to top the dog).






4. Food Is A Wonderful Thing. I have always been a great appreciator of food, but no one loves food more than my pup (probably because she was so underfed in her early life). Every day at mealtime I am reminded of the Far Side cartoon which shows two dogs being fed, and one is saying to the other, "Oh boy! Dog food again!"- that's Skip.  I try to remember to savor my food as much as she does, and to be grateful for all that we have, when there are so many who do with so much less.

5. Be Curious. Skipper is endlessly fascinated by everything that goes on around her- whether it's an ant trail on the sidewalk, a newspaper blowing in the wind, or the sound of drunk kids down on the street making their way home. Watching her frequently makes me notice wonderful things that would have otherwise passed me by. And if curiosity killed the cat... well, that's just fine with Skipper.

6. Persistence And Patience Pay Off. When we first got Skip, we were determined to keep her off the furniture. She would hop up and we would gently push her off, over and over again. After about two weeks, we realized we sort of liked having her up with us, and she won. While I'm not so proud of my dog-training skills, she has reminded me to try to apply that same kind of moxie and never-give-up attitude to my own endeavors.

7. Forgive. Over the course of this year, part of the problem with the "shadow" thing is that I have accidentally stepped on, kicked, and sent Skipper flying with a hastily opened door. I have cut her nails too short, dressed her in mortifying outfits, attempted to brush her teeth, and dragged her from her hiding places to force her into the most dreaded and terrifying warm baths. And every time, without a moment's hesitation, she has forgiven me and showered me with love.  It is not hard to admire this as a virtue (even if you think she only does so because she knows I'm the keeper of the #4).

8. A Good Personality Goes A Long Way. Conversely, Skipper leaves an endless trail of dog hair all over our apartment which daily sweeping and lint-rolling does little to combat. She eats JM's snacks off the coffee table, leaves disgustingly chewed-up toys all over the apartment, gets into anything you leave unguarded below waist-level, and occasionally forgets her housetraining. All of this would be unbearable in a dog of lessor virtue, but one look at her waggily tail and, um, puppy-dog eyes, and she wins us over again. When in doubt, it seems a kind heart, good intentions, and a goofy smile can cover a multitude of sins.

9. Make Your Own Fun. In the few hours a day that Skipper is not sleeping, she can be found engaging in some seriously ridiculous behavior. Whether it's wrestling and pouncing on a rubber band, sniffing around the kitchen for errant crumbs, running laps around our ottoman, or trying to climb into the pile of warm, clean laundry as I fold it, she is a gal who knows how to have a good time.  We'd all do well to have such  joie de vivre.

10. There Is Dignity In Resilience. When we got her, Skipper was underweight, scabby, suffering from parasites and infections, and had recently given birth to a litter of puppies (when she herself was still just a puppy). Despite all that, she is a warm, loving, goofy, funny, exceedingly friendly pup, with surprisingly little baggage.  Would that we could all emerge from our hardships with such grace.

Oh, and...
11. Squirrels And Vacuums Are A Menace And Must Be Destroyed. I'm less convinced about this one, but she makes a pretty strong and compelling case.

Pumping Iron

When we were in college, my husband, JM, had the distinction of being the only guy I ever met who had an ironing board set up permanently in his dorm room. Which is probably one of the reasons I married him- I thought, "this is a man who will make my life ship-shape" (little did I know).  However, now that we're in the real world, and JM is Mr. Suit-and-Tie Businessman, he of course has no time for ironing, and he goes through at least one pressed button-down shirt per day. Which leaves me slaving over a hot telephone while I call the dry cleaners to come make a pick up. Seriously- if I ironed his shirts, I would spend my whole life ironing his shirts. However, while the dry cleaners charge a very reasonable $1.50/shirt for men, they categorize my button-down shirts as "blouses" and charge a whopping $6.50 (and they say the gender gap has been bridged!) Luckily, before he put away childish things (and by that I mean his iron), JM did teach me the proper way to iron a shirt- it's not totally instinctual, and there are a few tricks to it.  But if you do things in the right order, the whole process is quicker and easier, and your shirt ends up looking better.  Even if you aren't much of a "blouse"-wearer yourself, this is a skill everyone should have in their back pocket, just in case. Alternatively, if you know a good lawyer, we could get a civil action law suit going and sue the dry cleaners of America for sexual discrimination. But this seems easier.

Step 1: Set up your ironing board so it is about waist-high in a spot where you have plenty of elbow room and the floor is clean (just in case a sleeve drags on the ground). Plug in your iron and set it to the appropriate heat for your shirt's fabric. Spritz the whole shirt with a light mist of fresh, clean water. Lay the shirt over the pointy end of the ironing board. Iron the back of the collar of the shirt, starting at the points and moving toward the center. Flip the shirt over and repeat with the front of the collar.

Step 2: Pull the shirt up so the yoke of the shirt (the flat part on the back between the shoulders) is flat on the ironing board- it may help to put the pointy end of the ironing board into one of the sleeves. Iron until smooth.

Step 3. Lay one of the shirt cuffs flat on the ironing board, first ironing the inside of the cuff, then the outside (reverse this for french-cuffed shirts).

Step 4. Then carefully lay that arm of the shirt flat on the board folding the sleeve at the seam, and, ideally, the crease from the previous ironing. Iron the back of the sleeve first, then the front. Repeat steps 3 and 4 with the other sleeve.

Step 5. Now you can iron the body of the shirt. Starting with one of the front pieces flat on the board, carefully iron it flat from the bottom hem all the way up to the shoulder seam (taking care around the buttons, pockets, buttonholes).

Step 6. Carefully rotate the shirt so that one half of the shirtback is on the ironing board. Press this, taking care around the armpits and any back pleats. Continue to rotate and press the shirt, until you come to the other front panel. Repeat step 5.

Step 7. Gently hang the shirt on a hanger, buttoning only the top button or second from the top to hold it in the hanger (so you don't wrinkle the shirt unnecessarily in the process of buttoning and unbuttoning).
See? So easy even a silly woman can do it.








top image credit: vintageposterprints.com

Sew Smart

Last weekend, at my brother- and sister-in-laws' beautiful wedding reception, the dance floor was wildly, awesomely fun and crowded from practically the band's first note (particularly when the mother of the bride took to the stage to play the cowbell). In this merry fracas, however, some reveler (who shall remain unnamed) accidentally snagged an appendage on Ali's (the bride) gorgeous lace wedding gown, tearing a large hole in the cap sleeve, only midway through the evening.  Where, oh where, was the torn and tattered bride to turn? Well, if you have me for a sister-in-law, the answer should be obvious: to me and my bottomless bag of tricks. Did you really think I would agree to be a bridesmaid and not bring my trusty sewing kit? Oh, ye of little faith.
Okay, fine, I have no idea how to sew lace (I'm pretty sure most people in this country stopped learning "tatting" once the TV was invented). And after one (or three) too many celebratory drinks I probably would have poked lovely Ali twenty times with a needle had I given it a shot (speaking of shots...). But, luckily, I had my other secret weapon with me there, as well: My Mom. Quick as a bunny, she patched up Ali's dress good as new, without drawing blood, and sent her back to shake it on the dance floor before she missed another song. Sure, my mom is the real hero in this story, but the point is that her heroics were only made possible with the use of MY sewing kit. Which is why I am taking 50% credit.  Mama didn't raise no fool.
Here's how to make your own perfect on-the-go emergency sewing kit, to help you save the day (okay, and sometimes help you help save the day) wherever you go. Forget those pre-made sewing kits they give away in hotel rooms or sell in drugstores- the boxes are alway flimsy and break, and there is always a ton of stuff you don't need (A measuring tape! Purple thread! Tiny, dull scissors!) and not enough of the stuff you do. But feel free to poach the useful items from those kits. Get a little creative, get the essentials, and you'll be prepared for anything. Mama says.

What you will need:
An Altoids or other sturdy metal candy tin
or
A sturdy cardboard jewelry giftbox with a lid
A rubber band to hold closed

Put inside:
*Sharp scissors with rounded tips (so they won't get confiscated at the airport).
*1 bobbin each of black, white, and a mid-tone gray thread. One of these will work in almost every situation.
*Assorted sharp needles.
*A needle-threader (especially if you have poor eyesight or shaky hands).
*Assorted safety pins.
*Assorted straight pins.
*Assorted buttons.
*A seam-ripper.
*Toupee tape. (It's super sticky, and will fix anything from a droopy hem to a cleavage-revealing neckline).

Go forth and save the day. And call me if you need my mom.

photo credit: Craft stylish

I'm Gonna Live Forever (9 Habits for A Long Life)

Not to sound like a total Pollyanna, but I really, truly love my life. So far, it has exceeded all of my expectations and hopes at almost every turn, and I had great expectations and high hopes.  Which is why I secretly want to live forever. Well, maybe not forever (because then you get into that depressing post-apocalyptic thing where it's just you and the cockroaches roaming the earth), but a very, very long time. I would like at least another 60 good years to mess around with, please.  And as a result of this secret, selfish wish, I have become somewhat of a closet expert about strategies and studies on life expectancy. "Hey, Lil" you might be thinking, "This post doesn't have anything to do with your 29th birthday coming up next week, does it?"  Um, no.  I'm just a life-expectancy hobbyist, and I like to share my interests with you, my dearest darling readers.

Okay, fine, maybe my upcoming birthday had a tiny bit to do with my preoccupation with evading mortality for as long as possible. But the good news is that, after thousands of studies, involving millions of people in every country of the world, it turns out that the habits and behaviors that result in longer lifespans are all pretty instinctual, obvious and attainable. If you have a few minutes you should do this free Life Expectancy Calculator (it's kind of fun, and I like it because it said I would live to 102, which even I think is a little optimistic- imagine all the blog posts!). Since it seems I've already got good habits anyway,  I'm happily well on my way to being one of those motorcycle-riding, skydiving nonogenarians (as long as I don't risk riding motorcycles or skydiving until then). Bring on the birthdays!

9 Healthy Habits to Help You Live Forever (Or A Really Long Time)

1. Don't Smoke.  This could not be more obvious, but since I still see tons of people puffing away at all hours of the day, I suppose it bears mentioning. Look, I'd be lying if I pretended that I have never enjoyed a smoke in my day- I know that pleasant tingly buzz, and I get why you like it.  But it makes your hair and clothes stink, takes 14 years off your life expectancy (I need those 14 years!), and gives you yellow teeth and wrinkles. And I can't have either of those things, if I am going to look as good as (now deceased) former World's Oldest Woman Yone Minagawa (above) on my own 114th birthday.

2. Keep Active. Do something physical every single day (this is one example where garbage men and construction workers have the leg up on the rest of us). If your job forces you to sit in a chair all day, make a concerted effort to take a brisk walk at lunch, or sign up for an evening tap dancing class. It only takes 30 minutes a day, and will add at least 3-4 years to your life. Bonus points if you spend at least 15 minutes outdoors- unfiltered sunlight provides vitamin D, which is essential for long life.

3. Eat Your Veggies (and Fruits). Eating 5 servings of fruits and veggies per day (your morning OJ counts as a serving, and a salad for lunch could count as two) greatly increases your longevity. French fries don't count. Limit your red meat intake and try to eat more fish. Cut out the soda, artificial sweeteners and trans fats.

4. Take a Multivitamin. Make sure you are getting your daily recommended intake of vitamins C, D, and E especially.  It's so easy, and makes a huge difference. Why not?

5. Don't Drink Too Much. But a little is okay (and may even be good for you, if it's red wine).

6. Love And Be Loved. Studies show that people who have in-person interactions with family and close friends at least three times a week live significantly longer than those who don't. And if you're not a people-person, even having a pet who likes you adds years to your life.

 7. Have Fun. It seems laughter really is the best medicine- in fact, no other personality factor is more strongly correlated with life expectancy than sense of humor. Good thing, because I don't think I would want to live to 102 if I had to be somber the whole time.

8. Floss. It prevents gum and heart disease, and can add anywhere from 1.5 to 7 years to your life. Seriously. 

9. Everything in Moderation (Including Moderation). Anecdotal evidence shows that among the longest-living people, they all tend to share the philosophy of "live a little." So, keep your daily habits on the straight-and-narrow, but, every once in a while, give yourself permission to ignore the rules.  Eat a second piece of pie, spend a day lounging on the couch, or go to bed without flossing if it makes you feel good. Just remember to take the stairs and brush extra well the next day.

Totally do-able, right? Now I've gotta go figure out what I am going to write about until 2083...

Heavenly Hosts

Whether you love having friends visit in your home (as JM and I do) or dread and loath it, a little advance preparation goes a long way. Here are some tips to get you and your home prepared for overnight guests.  Not only will these things make your guests feel right at home, but most of them will make your life easier, too.  For instance, having beverages and snacks on hand and telling your guests to "help themselves" makes you look generous and hospitable, but it also lets you off the hook of having to constantly monitor their hunger/thirst levels and keep offering them things. Diabolical, I know. 


Clean Up: I don't care how big a favor you are doing them by letting them crash with you, no one should have to step over your used undies to get into the shower. And, for crying out loud, get your birth control pills off the bathroom counter. Besides, If your house is in good, clean, shape before your guests arrive, it will be easier to maintain it with those extra folks around. Do all your dishes and laundry in advance of their arrival, as those things can pile up if ignored. Pay particular attention to the spaces your guests will be occupying: Dust the guestroom, clean the toothpaste out of the bathroom sink, vacuum the floors and under the couch cushions, and wash the slipcovers if they need it.
Stock Up: It's embarrassing for everyone when you mother-in-law has to yell out the bathroom door to ask for more TP. Avoid this, and other disasters, by having extras of all of the essentials on hand. Make sure the bathroom is stocked with ample toilet paper, tissues, toothpaste, hand soap, mouthwash and floss, as well as shampoo, conditioner, lotion and a new spare toothbrush. Put at least one fresh, clean bath towel, hand towel and washcloth in there per person. And a couple blossoms in a vase on the toilet are a nice touch, as well.  You will also want to provide your guests with things to make them independent- I usually give them a spare set of keys, an umbrella, and a subway map. That way they can take off and explore the city without me.
 Shack Up: If you have a guest room, then you are pretty much all set. Just make the bed comfy and stock it with plenty of blankets and pillows. On the nightstand, put a carafe of water and a glass, a reading light, an alarm clock, and maybe a few nice-smelling flowers in a vase. But even if you will have a friend crashing in your living room on your couch or air mattress, you can still prepare the room for them. Make a bedding "kit" that can easily be stored in a closet or under the couch- put a set of clean sheets and blankets and pillows with fresh cases in a bag (a small duffle, or the plastic zip-up that your comforter came in work well). That way, you can easily help your guest make up their "bed" each night and they will know where to stash the bedding during the day.
Buck Up: If your guest is someone who grates on you emotionally, like your hypercritical cousin, set realistic expectations for the visit- expect that you might get annoyed and give yourself a few scheduled breaks during the visit- a yoga class, a walk with your dog, etc. With all guests it helps to set clear boundaries ahead of time- the duration of the stay, if anything us off-limits, etc. If  your "weekend guests" end up staying til Wednesday and polishing off your husband's 100 year-old scotch, it's your fault for not communicating better. Unless they are your very best friends, I typically limit my visitors stays to a long weekend- as they say, houseguests are like fish: they start to stink after three days. 

And, if all else fails, remember this: visits always bring pleasure- if not the arrival, the departure.


photo credit: Martha Stewart

Mail Management

When I was a kid, I loved getting the mail. I loved looking through my mom's magazines and catalogs and I was over the moon when a letter actually arrived with my name on it. Over the years, as I was introduced to the concept of credit card bills and guilt-causing charity drive letters, and watched as unchecked catalogs and magazines have piled up into cluttery mountains in my kitchen, that love has faded into something more akin to dread and loathing.
Don't get me wrong- I still get excited when the new New Yorker shows up, or when the odd calligraphed envelope slips out with it's tidings of wedding celebrations to come.  But with the majority of my mailboxes contents, I would rather just not deal, please. And when I think of the environmental impact of all of that wasted paper ... well, that just does me in.

But it's not like me to introduce a complaint without providing a solution, is it? Happily, there are lots of things you can do to reduce the amount of unwanted mail that makes it's way into your apartment, and slowly erodes your happiness.  Cutting down on your junk mail will help save your sanity, keep you organized and help save millions and millions of trees.

1. Go online and get your name on  junk mail prevention websites. They won't prevent every scrap from showing up, but they don't hurt, either.
For credit card offers: www.optoutprescreen.com
Catalogs: www.catalogchoice.org
 Or sign up for a paid service to stop the junk:
www.41pounds.org
www.dmachoice.org
www.proquo.com

2. Sign up for online billing statements: Instead of receiving paper bills in the mail that are vulnerable to theft and pile up and need to be shredded, sign up to get your statements via email instead. You can save them in a file on your computer for future reference.

3. Recycle, right away: When the mail arrives, walk directly to the recycling bin (do not pass GO, do not collect $200), and weed it out. Make sure you shred anything that has personal information (bank acct #s, or your social security number, for example). Get rid of catalogs immediately- this will also keep you from spending money on things you don't need.

4. Sort the rest: We use these task clips, $9.50 from Knock Knock to sort and folders to file. Something about having these clips tell me what to do really kicks me in the pants.  Keep a file for financial statements (didn't I tell you to start getting them online?), personal letters you want to keep, and tax documents. So much better than riffling through piles and piles of unsorted papers on April 13th. Trust me...

A Fly On The Wall

Now that it's warm and sunny, and the world smells all earthy and lovely, and there are soft romantic breezes blowing about, it's time to open all the windows and doors and let the outside in.  But, as with everything in life, there is a downside to all this breezy openness: flying critters. It's happened to everyone- you get yourself all tucked in, get your pillows plumped just right and your body in the perfect position, and you switch off the light, and then, bzzzzzz! - a fly, bee, mosquito, or other irritating winged creature goes buzzing past your ear. No chance you're going to get a good night's sleep with that erratic buzzing, not to mention the thought of it- whatever it is- landing on your head and crawling in your ears or mouth. (Oh, you weren't thinking about that? Well, now you are).

How to solve this problem? You could spend the next 20 minutes chasing the thing around with a rolled-up newspaper (at least it will get your heart-rate up), but then it'll be at least an hour before you really calm down and get back to sleep.  Instead, use the bugger's own stupid instincts against him: Keeping the lights in your bedroom off, open the window (or a door to the bathroom in a pinch), and turn on the outside (or bathroom) light.  The dumb thing will be irresistibly drawn to the light (why, I don't know- do I look like an entomologist?) and go buzzing right out the window or door. Turn out the light and quickly slam the door, leaving your winged nemesis locked out of your room. And your nostrils.

P.S. I know this pic has little to do with today's post, but sometimes I come across a photo so ridiculous, I just can't help myself. Thank you for your indulgence. 
P.P.S. Seriously- who built that bike? It's too much.

Tired Out

When I was in high school, and friend of mine blew a tire down the street from my house. She called AAA on her car phone, but they were backed up and said they couldn't get there for an hour. So she called me and said, "Of all of my friends, you are the one I would expect to know how to change a tire". It was one of the nicest compliments anyone could have given me, and I was so flattered I said I'd be right there. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I really had no idea how to change a tire.  My dad wasn't home, and this was in the days before you could find the answer to anything on helpful blogs on the internet (If you're doing mental math thinking, "Hmmm... car phone, no internet... the mid-90s?," stop it, please). So I went in blind, fooled around with the jack, got my favorite Express jeans and my hands all dirty, and managed to get half the lug nuts off before AAA arrived. On that day, I vowed that I wasn't just going to be the kind of person who people think can change a tire, but would become someone who actually could.
And now I pass that can-do spirit on to you. Feel free to print this out and put it in your glove box. You'll be able to fix your tire and get back on the road in no time...flat.

Step 1: Get to safety. Pull the car as far off the main part of the road as possible, without allowing any wheels to go onto soft dirt or sloped ground.  Ideally you want all four tires to be on flat, solid ground, on a straight part of the road where approaching cars can see you from a distance. Turn on your emergency flasher lights, and get any passengers out of the car and safely away from the road. Secure the car from rolling- put on the emergency break, and, if you can find one, put a heavy rock or brick in front of the front tire (if you are fixing a rear tire) or the rear tire (if you are fixing a front tire).

Step 2: Get your tools out of the trunk.  You should find a spare tire, a lug wrench, and a jack (if it's after dark you may also need a flashlight). Place the jack under the frame of the car near the tire that you need to change. Make sure it is on the metal (NOT plastic) part of the frame.  When in doubt, get low and take a peek under the car- on most cars there will be groove marks just behind the front wheel wells, and in front of the rear wheel wells which indicate where the jack should go. Once it is in place, raise the jack so that it is supporting, but not lifting the car.

Step 3: Remove the hubcabs and use the lugwrench to loosen (but not remove) the lug nuts. (Remember: lefty loosey, righty tighty) The nuts might be on there real tight, so you might need to step on the wrench to get them loose.

Step 4: Raise the jack until it lefts the tire about 6 inches off the ground.  Don't stop just because the flat tire is off the ground- you will need more clearance to get the inflated tire on. As you lift, make sure the car is stable and not moving.

Step 5: Fully remove the lug nuts (you can use the hubcap as a dish to hold them, just make sure you don't pull a Christmas Story and send them flying into the road). Pull the flat tire off- it's easiest if you put your hands on either side of the tire and pull it straight toward your chest.

Step 6: Put the new tire on, aligning the tire bolts with the holes on the tire. Put on the lug nuts and tighten by hand. Use the lugwrench to tighten the bolts, but not all the way- tighten them a little at a time, going around in a "star" pattern, until they are equally tight.

Step 7: Lower the car to the ground, and re-tighten the lug nuts. Remove the jack and replace the hubcap. Put all your tools back in the trunk, and remove any blocks from the tires.

Step 8: Let your friends get back in the car, take off the emergency brake and get back on the road! Make sure to call me on the car phone and let me know you're okay.

Open Season

Unless you are under 21 years old, have never worked in food services, don't drink, AND have no family members or friends who drink, you have no excuse for not knowing how to properly open a bottle of wine. Yet, all the time, I watch otherwise-sophisticated people struggle and flail around with a bottle, straining like they are attempting to pull Excalibur from the stone, ultimately spilling on themselves or leaving little pieces of cork floating in the wine in the process.  If this sounds like you, and you wonder what others think of you during this process, let me answer that for you: We are silently judging you, and thinking that next time we will bring beer, instead.  Let's get your technique straightened out, shall we? Once you master these simple strategies, you'll find opening a bottle of wine can be almost as pleasurable as drinking one.

1. Get a decent corkscrew. There are thousands on the market, but I favor the manual kind waiters use (see pic)- they are easy to use and work well, but don't completely remove you from the process. Ours is this one (a little pricey- it was a wedding gift). Don't totally cheap out- you get what you pay for with corkscrews, as with everything else in life, but you can get great ones at any cooking store in the $30-40 range.

2. Use the blade on the side of the wine key to cut the foil from the top.  Usually there is a rim on the neck of the bottle- just place the blade right above that, and twist your hand and the bottle, using your thumb for pressure. Pull the little foil cap off.









3. Insert the screw into the cork by twisting it in, while very gently pushing down (don't push too hard or you'll push the cork into the bottle). The key here is to try to make sure you center the screw above the cork before inserting it, and that you screw straight down, not at a wonky angle.











4. When the screw is completely inserted into the cork, tilt the wine key up and place the metal lever on the lip of the bottle. If this is difficult, try unscrewing the corkscrew one turn.

5. While holding the lever and bottle steady, simply lift the handle upwards, which will leverage the cork right out of the bottle. This shouldn't require much effort at all, and the cork will usually come out with a satisfying "pop."

6. Voila!

Take the Plunge

I've been contemplating writing this post for months, but keep managing to delay its publication. Why? Because I like writing about pretty, pleasant things, and this is decidedly not that. But, on further evaluation, I have decided that this is a skill that every self-reliant person must have in his or her arsenal. It's happened to almost everyone (and probably will again) - you are at a restaurant or a friend's house, you put a little too much of something down the toilet, and suddenly you are trapped in a small bathroom with a rapidly filling toilet and a party waiting for you outside the door. Handled incorrectly, this nastiness can result an extremely embarrassing and, ahem, crappy situation. But handled correctly, you'll be back at the cocktail party in no time, with no one the wiser.

How To Unclog A Toilet

1. Don't Panic. Stop jiggling the handle and trying to flush- you'll only cause more water to fill the bowl and potentially overflow it. Resist the urge to climb out the window and run home. If the water level is still rising, look on the wall behind the toilet for a knob and turn it all the way to the right. This will turn off the water flowing to the toilet. Lift any rugs, mats or linens off the bathroom floor and hang them over a rod or hook, just in case things get messy.

2. Start Bailing. If the water level is full to the top of the bowl, you will need to remove some of it. This is super gross, but find a cup, dish or bowl in the bathroom to use as a bailing tool, and remove enough water bring the water level down a few inches.

3. Plunge In. Grab a plunger. You will want to use the flange kind (as opposed to the cup kind, which is for sinks). If you are at someone else's house, pray that they are well-prepared and that your karma is in order, so that there is already a plunger in the bathroom. Otherwise, use your cell phone to call your husband or closest friend at the party, and have them discreetly ask the hosts for one (I am literally blushing as I type this, I feel so sorry for you, and it isn't even happening for real). Put the suction cup end into the toilet, covering the hole forming as good a seal as you can. Vigorously plunge the handle up and down several times, as hard as you can. Really put some muscle into it. (You may want to run water in the sink while you are doing this to mask the sound). Repeat until the water starts to drain from the toilet (Congrats- that means the clog has cleared).

4. Clean and Clear. Turn the water back on, and flush the toilet until the bowl is clean and cleared out. Use toilet paper to wipe up any spilled water (ugh), return the mats to the floor, and then thoroughly wash and scrub your hands and arms up to your elbows. Take a deep breath, reapply your lipstick, and then walk out of the bathroom like nothing happened.

Don't-Bleed-Your-Wallet-Dry Cleaning

There's a reason the expression "taken to the cleaners" means ripped off. And that reason is that dry cleaning, while a necessary part of life if you want to look presentable, can be insanely expensive. Sometimes I literally find myself thinking, I bought this sweater at H&M for $19. Am I really about to spend $10 to get it cleaned? Because I'm cheap like that. It's a fierce battle, but usually my cheapness trumps my laziness, and I end up washing the darn thing myself. And while, for your sanity, certain garments are best left to the professionals (like suits, anything with heavy beading or embellishments or a ton of pleats) there are ways to limit the amount of dough you have to shell out, and take some shortcuts at home.* Plus, dry cleaning chemicals are toxic (do you really want them all over your clothes?) and harmful to the environment, so limiting your dry cleaning habit is good for your bank account, your health and the planet. Here are the techniques I employ at home to keep my wallet from getting cleaned out.

1. Read the Labels: If the label says "dry clean" that means you can definitely wash it at home. If it says "dry clean only" there's still a chance that you can clean it yourself. A general rule is that wool, acrylic, cashmere, cotton and polyester can be easily washed at home. Silk and rayon require a little more care, but can sometimes be hand-washed.

2. Use Your Dryer: If the clothes are unstained and just kind of maloderous (due to last night's trip to a cigar bar, or your sprint for the bus), you can use one of the at-home dry cleaning kits at work in your dryer: Dryel or FreshCare. Read the instructions, but they are generally safe with most fabrics, and will leave your clothes unwrinkled, and smelling fresher than if you spray them with Febreze.

3. Handwash Your Sweaters: Here's a secret- hand-washing actually will make your wool and cashmere sweaters softer. Just fill a deep sink or bathtub with room temperature water (not hot!), and add your sweater to it. Put in a small amount of soap (Woolite is nice, but you can also use a gentle shampoo), and gently spot treat just using your hands and by rubbing the fabric against itself. After the sweater has soaked for a while and is clean, rinse them with cool water and lay them flat on a clean towel, then roll the towel to dry. Allow the sweater to lay flat until dry. To save time, do several sweaters at once.

4. Silky tops: Use the same method as with sweaters to wash your silk items, but after you rinse them, pat them dry with a towel and hang on a padded hanger to dry.

*I also take personal umbrage that our dry cleaning establishment will wash and press my husband's shirts for $1.50 each, while my button-up collared shirts are categorized as "blouses" and cost $6. If I were less lazy, I would start a boycott based on the sexism inherent in that, but then I'd be stuck washing and pressing all JM's shirts myself. And they deliver for free, so I'll give them a pass.

photo credit: Nanopedia.case.edu - a site dedicated to the idea of using nanotechnology to create self-cleaning fabrics. So hopefully this whole post will soon be moot.

No Ifs, Ands or Buttons

Maybe we haven't known each other that long, but I like you, and I don't want to see you played for a fool. That's why I think it's imperative that you stop throwing your money away sending clothes to the tailor that you could easily fix yourself for free. You know who you are- your skirt gets a little droopy hem, or you pop a spaghetti strap on the dance floor, or, worst of all, a button falls off your fave cardy, and you immediately go running to the professionals.
All of these sewing tasks are totally simple and entirely doable by you as long as you have a very basic sewing kit and at least one finger and thumb. And each of them can be accomplished in the time it takes one American Idol contestant to butcher your favorite song (you might even be grateful for the distraction).
Luckily, I found this illustration on Esquire.com, and I figure if their readers are up to the task of rebuttoning themselves, so are mine. So I stole it, because I am not above theft when it comes to helping my friends. Don't worry, you can pay me back later.

Step 1. Thread your needle with a thread that matches the button (or whatever color has been used on the other buttons) Don't worry if the color is slightly off (i.e. navy vs. black)- no one will ever notice. Double the thread over and tie the ends together in a knot. Find the exact spot where the button should go by matching it up with the button hole. Insert the needle through the fabric from the back (so the knot doesn't show on the front), and stitch an "X" to anchor the button.

Step 2: Thread the needle through one of the holes in the button (if the button has 4 holes, take note of how the garment's other buttons are sewn on- do the stitches form an "X" or two parallel lines- you will want to copy it so this button matches). Then stitch up and down through the holes in the button and the fabric loosely at least 4 or 5 times, keeping the button pulled about 1/8 - 1/4" away from the fabric (you can insert a toothpick or matchstick to help you keep the right distance).

Step 3: When the button feels well affixed, thread the needle down through one of the holes in the button, but not through the fabric, so the thread is coming out from between the button and the fabric. Then wind the thread around the loose stitches several times (this creates a "shank" and leaves enough space for the button hole without putting pressure on the fabric).

Step 4. Insert the needle through the wound shank you have created a few times, securing the thread. Snip the loose thread near the shank with scissors so there are no loose ends. Ain't that a kick in the buttons?

Here's a bonus tip: Keep a glass jar with a lid (like a mustard or baby food jar) in your sewing kit. When a garment comes with extra buttons, add them to the jar. Pretty soon you'll have a large enough collection to replace almost any fastener that goes missing. Plus a jars of buttons make for pretty cute objets in my fantasy craft room.

Photo credit: Country Living
Illustration credit: Esquire.com

Everyday Romance

Now is the time of year when the drug stores are chock full of candy hearts and cheesy cards and people start going loopy for rose petals and chocolates, and Victoria's Secret is crowded with uncomfortable men trying to guess what size their gals wear. But romance shouldn't be confined to the first two weeks of February. Here are some things you should do all year to let that special lady or fella know how you really feel. A little goes a long way.

Everyone:
Just consider each other. If you're going to be late, call. If you find yourself trying to make your significant other feel dumb, or unworthy, or guilty, ask yourself why. If you were wrong always always own up and apologize. Laugh at yourself. Make an effort to get to know their friends and family (and cat). Watch the Real Housewives (or Sunday Night Football) with him or her, even though you don't want to. Have a date at least once a week (even if it's just a walk in the park, or a Chinese take-out picnic on the floor). Stop what you're doing and greet one another with a kiss when you get home from work. Put down the damn phone. When you run into someone, introduce him or her. Listen. No, really, listen. Do your best not to fart or burp or pick your nose in front of them- once that door is opened, you can't close it again. Remember to be grateful that they love you (and say "thank you" now and then.) Remember: not every argument is worth having - choose your battles, and choose to have fewer of them.

Gals:
Sometimes when you feel like saying "no" say "yes" instead. You won't regret it. Sometimes when you feel like wearing the cotton granny-panties, wear the silky thong instead. Sometimes when you feel like saying "pick up your stupid socks, stupidhead!," say, "I love you, stupidhead". Don't call him a hundred times when he's out with his friends. Don't panic if he's going to a strip club for a bachelor party. If you act jealous, needy, and annoying, you'll only make him want to get away from you.

Fellas:
Even if she's tough as nails, and can take you at arm wrestling, she still wants to be made to feel like a lady. Don't stress out about rules (who goes first through a revolving door, again?)- just use your instincts and be kind. If she seems cold, offer her your jacket. Buy flowers just because (sometimes they mean more when it's not a special occasion). Change the lightbulb she can't reach without being asked. When she gets dressed up, tell her she looks pretty (it helps sell it if you really look at her first). Build a fire on a cold night. Be the outside spoon.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. - Eden Ahbez