Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Fabulizer

When I packed up and moved into my college Freshman dorm room in the fall of 1999, I arrived armed with the essentials- a green original iMac, phone cards to call home, and a hugely padded black lace bra that my roommates immediately dubbed "The Fabulizer." I have, in my life, been blessed with many gifts (namely: naturally blond hair I don't have to color, a fairly sunny disposition, and a better-than-average ability to solve crossword puzzles), but I was not bestowed with what you might call "an ample bosom." Hence, The Fabulizer, which immediately added at least three cup sizes to anyone (to prove this, I once tacked it up on the flat wall, and, voila, "Wally Parton").  However,  while it was, well, fabulous, The Fabulizer had several blatant drawbacks. The black lace and thick straps hardly made for an inconspicuous combo, so it made it's presence known by showing though or sticking out of almost any outfit (luckily it was the late 90s and underwear-as-outerwear was in). To totally hide this monster of a bra, in fact, an outfit would have to be so modest as to be completely beside the point.  Also, because I didn't wear it at all times, it was unlikely I fooled anyone into thinking a rack like that had just sprouted overnight. Still, I managed to get quite a bit of wear out of that sucker over the course of the next four extremely educational and enriching years, until I finally outgrew it (emotionally, not physically, sadly).
In my adult life, which could frequently use a little fabulizing, I have often reminisced about the enhancing properties of that brassiere, and wished I had something with similar capabilities which would fit my lifestyle now. It seemed an impossible dream until, like a miracle, I found it: The Fabulizer 2.0.
The Plunge Multi-way Bra with Gel-Curve, $37.50 from Victoria's Secret is the Fabulizer for the new millennium (give or take 10 years). Seriously. I bought it in nude to wear under a dress to a wedding last September, and I have worn it almost every day since (sorry to disappoint you, People I Have Met Since September, but my cleavage isn't the real deal). This bra is actually comfortable, smooth enough to wear under anything without showing, and, unlike any other strapless bra I have ever owned, it stays up on it's own. And the patented Gel-Curve stuff looks and feels way more like real boob than the mattress foam that was stuffed into the original Fabulizer (not that I intend to test that by getting groped).
So, if you happen to be similarly mosquito-bitten, or just want to enhance your natural assets, I suggest you head to Vicky's and try this lovely thing on immediately. And if you spend more than $100 (by buying this bra in every color), get free shipping through July13 using the promo code: SHIPVS10. Fabulous.


S said...

Totally not related to the the post, but I love your new profile picture. Or is it not new and I'm just not observant? Either way it looks great!

Lily said...

Thanks! It is new. My brother took it. He should add "headshot photographer" to his resume.

Anonymous said...

I used to believe that life was unfair because I didn't have "an ample bosom." Then I got married and became pregnant with our first child. Wow! Big boobs! Woo hoo! Then I started breast feeding. Even bigger boobs! Now I'm over the whole "bigger is better" silliness and have learned that smaller is better. They aren't always in the way and people look me in the face, not in the chest. Plus, I won't be having to wear a belt in my older years to keep them from flopping around.

Lily said...

@Anonymous- my mom says the same thing. I try to remember to be grateful for my mini-bosom when I find myself jogging (not uncomfortably) without a sports bra, or climbing through a very small window (don't ask). But it's disappointing to think that my childhood dreams of winning a wet t-shirt contest are unlikely ever to be fulfilled ;)

Anonymous said...

I good-humoredly denounce your so-called "Fabulizer". I am flat as a breadboard and proud of it; I refuse to wear anything that attempts to "enhance" either by pushing them together or padding them or torturing them with underwires. Haven't you heard that teeny is terrific?

AAA and AAAwesome